Internet Tough Guy Magazine

June 11, 2005

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Is your game weak? Do people in chat rooms and message boards constantly dis you? Don't take shit from those losers, you fuckin'' pussy! Get your subscription to Internet Tough Guy magazine today! Gain valuable information on these important trolling topics:

Act now! Only $100 a year (fake Paypal payments accepted)

(written by nimbus and yermom and me)

Update (6/21/05): Someone posted this on another website I look at, and I had to share it. It's from Something Awful, originally.

Internet Tough Guy Magazine

Comments

Posted by jman :: :: :: Jun 11, 2005 05:02am
You were just itching for an excuse on this one, weren't ya? How kind of someone to provide it.

And where the hell did you find that picture of the inbred dufus for the post? It's put me off the idea of having children completely...as if watching "Jackass" at the behest of my former employees didn't bury that urge fast and deep already.
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Posted by Valacosa :: :: :: Jun 11, 2005 07:21pm
Will you teach people how to read 1337speak? What about IMisms?

Normal person: Greetings. I have proper spelling and grammar. Who are you nice blokes?
13 Year old boy: ]-[4 ]-[4, 1 0nz0r3d j00! 1 1337 h4xX0r!!!!11!
13 Year old girl: LOL! OMG! ASL PLZ? NP! K THX BYE!
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Posted by redraven :: :: :: Jun 11, 2005 11:30pm
I can read the 13 year old girl line (too many years spent chatting on mIRC) with no problem, but the 13 year old boy sentence is complete foreign to me. What is is called...leet (I'm spelling that wrong I'm sure)?

Think it will become the language of the future?
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Posted by martin :: :: :: Jun 12, 2005 08:53am
"Ha ha. I owned you. I'm an elite hacker!!" Or something to that effect. What it actually means... I couldn't say. Owned has something to do with laying the smack down on someone else.

I had to spend some time deciphering it, I hope it's an accurate translation for the leet-impaired.

I also had no trouble with the "13 year old girl" line... again, too much chatting on mIRC :)
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Posted by ZSGhost :: :: :: Jun 12, 2005 11:37am
Oddly enough, I'm 13 (Please don't ban me, sir, I'll be good), and don't speak like that.
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Posted by Jenna :: :: :: Jun 12, 2005 01:55pm
When I used to chat on mIRC (about 4 or 5 years ago), I remember that the thirteen and fourteen year old girls tended to speak in AltERnaTiNg CaPS which is about a thousand times more annoying to read than all caps. I dont remember the boys using 1337 sp33k, but sadly enough, I can read it.
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Posted by Revolution :: :: :: Jun 12, 2005 02:27pm
Seriously, though, that's a dope picture. I've actually known kids that look like that. *cringe*
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Posted by Ryland :: :: :: Jun 12, 2005 04:14pm
You can find him with a Google image search for "assclown".
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Posted by Revolution :: :: :: Jun 12, 2005 04:38pm
That kid's face, up-close, is gonna give me nightmares for weeks
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Posted by jman :: :: :: Jun 12, 2005 06:33pm
I notice that Ann Coulter's ugly, starved face also appears on the first page of that Google image search. Hardly a coincidence.

Now THAT's cause for a nightmare.
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Posted by Ryland :: :: :: Jun 13, 2005 06:13am
If you're talking about this, that it a good link. It's got two video clips, of the Coultergeist and Bill "Shut up!" O'Reilly, making asses of themselves by pulling obviously false "facts" out of their asses on national TV.
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Posted by jman :: :: :: Jun 13, 2005 01:04pm
I guess they're just not used to being called on their BS on national TV, huh? I suppose we're just part of the "reality based community" up here...and we don't like being lied to. I hope CBC disinfected that chair after she left. Skank.
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Posted by el Bow :: :: :: Jun 13, 2005 06:00pm
Ya gotta love CBC. I found myself watching the clips and wishing they went on much longer.
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Posted by UrsusVultus :: :: :: Jun 12, 2005 04:24pm
You should do these more. when you make a well put stupid joke, it is always classic.
Keep on trucnkin'
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Posted by ag :: :: :: Jun 13, 2005 06:17pm
You have to check out these news stories.

Do you have problems with infertility? Don't worry studies have shown that watching Porn increases male fertility. Lot of Internet users must be very fertile!

In a related story, females ability to orgasm is driven by their genes, verifying what males already know, its not us, its them. ;)
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Posted by redraven :: :: :: Jun 13, 2005 07:34pm
That doesn't mean the guys still shouldn't give it their best.

Also, this article says "A woman's genetic make-up accounts for at least a third of her ability to climax during sex, say researchers, and may even account for as much as 60%." What about the other 40 to 57%? Certainly, there are a complex mix of factors that go into a woman having an orgasm.

I'm sure all the gentlemen out there will be pleased to hear that internet porn makes them more fertile. However, they have to leave the computer, in order to spread that fertility around! :)
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Posted by Rick :: :: :: Jun 20, 2005 11:58pm
Cyber Lovah for tough guy magazine
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Posted by bikeboy :: :: :: Sep 22, 2005 07:44pm
I think there needs to be a "Liberal Douche" magazine.
Possible Headlines:
-Arguing techniques that maximize your wit quotient!
-Top 10 Creative insults! (Including the popular "moron" and "retard")
-Why anyone who even remotely gives a republican the benefit of the doubt is an idiot, and what you can do to make them feel like it.
-Hypocrisy: Why it's OK to call yourself a liberal, even though you've closed your mind.
-Why you're right, and why anyone who doesn't think the way you do is obviously retarded.
-Iraq: It's good to be a Monday Morning Quarterback this time... there's a Republican in office!
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Posted by Ryland :: :: :: Sep 22, 2005 07:52pm
Oh, so you're a subscriber? Good job, I see you're already reaping the benefits.

Poor bikeboy... just like an iFanatic, you interpret an attack on you as an attack on your president.
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Posted by bikeboy :: :: :: Sep 22, 2005 08:15pm
I'm never the one who's hurtful. I'm never the one who's making inflammatory remarks. I'm the one who is dissenting, in a sea of liberals, and they are the ones who use the above techniques. I'm always peaceful. It's the other side that is hostile to me.

For the record, I'm not a republican, and I'm not a Bush supporter. I just like to put things in perspective, and I don't like unfair meanness.
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Posted by Ryland :: :: :: Sep 22, 2005 10:18pm
You are the one who took this argument from the site that it was on originally and carried it over here. Yet you imply that I'm the douche.
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Posted by martin :: :: :: Sep 22, 2005 11:03pm
I am wondering what you mean by "wit quotient" and how a nicely turned phrase in an argument becomes a bad thing.

And the phrase Monday Morning Quarterback: what does it mean? Is it a hindsight thing or just a case where people (who elected the president or participated in his election process or observed the election process and) who are not directly involved in Operation Iraqi LiberationFreedom shouldn't discuss how it might more effectively have been done? I hope you'll forgive the rhetorical questions—I assure you I am devoid of wit.
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