Note: I wrote this list in response to the "How to be a Good Democrat" list I received in a forwarded e-mail. See this blog post for more info.

How to be a good Republican:

1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread because people are evil and should be punished.

2. You have to believe that the evolution is a myth that shouldn't be taught in schools, despite the evidence of biochemistry and the fossil record.

3. You have to believe that there is no causal link between legal, easily-obtainable handguns and high murder rates.

4. You have to believe that global temperatures are completely unaffected by fossil fuel emissions, that the best way to save the national forests is to allow logging companies to cut down old-growth timber, and the best way to save endangered species is to allow trophy hunters and wildlife traders to import more of them.

5. You have to believe that homosexuality is evil (despite the fact that it occurs in nature) and that women should stay at home to cook and bear children.

6. You have to be against abortion but support capital punishment.

7. You have to believe that businesses never purposely hurt anyone to make money.

8. You have to believe that hunting requires an automatic rifle.

9. You have to believe that inherited wealth is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

10. You have to believe that war is an acceptable solution to any economic or social problem.

11. You have to believe that everyone should support the troops - except when it comes to paying them.

12. You have to believe the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are for poor and middle class people, not the rich.

14. You have to believe that affirmative action is wrong, while still supporting discrimination against minorities.

15. You have to believe that Ann Coulter is normal and really a very nice person.

16. You have to believe that the only reason supply-side economics hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe liberals telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and draft-dodger belongs in the White House.

18. You have to believe that the Ten Commandments should be displayed in every public building regardless of the fact that not everyone in America is a Christian.

19. You have to believe that illegal Republican Party funding by corporations is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

20. You have to believe that the media are biased toward liberals, despite the fact that all the major media outlets are owned by ultra-rich conservatives.